Etiquette can be defined as rules, practices, and behaviors used to conduct oneself in a polite society. For many of us, planning a wedding may be the first time that we actually try to follow the rules of decorum in a formal manner. The invitation is usually the most stressful for brides who are trying to do things the proper way. It doesn’t need to be as long as you rely on your own common sense. As society evolves, so do its etiquette guidelines. What was once commonplace in your grandmother’s generation may not apply to today’s modern bride. Let’s break down the various parts of a typical invitation.
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That mysterious inner envelope- The use of 2 envelopes goes back to the oh-so-civilized Victorian era and even before. Social invitations were hand delivered by servants. The outer envelope bearing the address would be discarded upon arrival. It was considered soiled and too pedestrian for the lady of the house. She would instead be presented with the pristine inner envelope, addressed to all who were invited to the event. Today we still use the double envelope tradition, but not for the same reasons. Modern etiquette dictates that the outer envelope is addressed to the heads of the house only. All words should be spelled out in full, with only a few abbreviations considered acceptable. The inner envelope is addressed with the names of those invited to attend. This is where you may add the names of children who are included, or “and guest” for the single adults.
That pesky tissue- Originally the tissues were used between each invitation to prevent the ink from smudging. They were intended to be discarded before mailing and it was actually in poor taste to leave them in. Over the years enough brides made the mistake of leaving them in that it became proper to include them. Today’s modern printing no longer requires extended drying times but the tissues still provide a useful service. The postal sorting machines can sometimes cause the print to offset onto the inside of the envelope. In this case the tissue ends up being both decorative and functional.
The return address- Postal recommendations state that the return address should appear on the upper left corner on the face of the envelope. You should ignore this and place the return address on the back flap only. You may have it printed by the invitation company or your calligrapher. Another lovely alternative is blind embossing. The benefit of this choice is that you can continue to use the embosser for years on future envelopes.
The reception card- If your ceremony and reception are held at the same location, a reception card may be eliminated. If your guests will be traveling from the ceremony to another location for the reception, a reception card with address and map should be included in the invitation packet.
The response card- This insert is vital for determining how many guests will be attending your event. The small envelope that goes with the card should be pre-addressed with the address of the persons hosting the event. Typically this is the bride’s parents but may be anyone, including the bride and groom. A postage stamp should be affixed in the upper right corner. If your guest is not mailing within the US, they will need to add their own postage from their respective country. If you have numerous guests coming from another country, it is a nice touch to secure the proper postage and have it in place. Today’s internet makes this fairly easy to do.
The map- Don’t assume that every guest is going to be familiar with your ceremony or reception location. A simple map should be considered for most situations.
Not sure of the proper forms of address? Visit page 2 of my Etiquette section for a chart showing the most common situations.
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